Love/Hate Light

Monday, March 17, 2008

5:30 PM; THIS POST IS ABOUT YOU ; ALL ABOUT YOU.

hello stranger.
i dont know you anymore.
who were you again?

you said we were drifting apart
and if you, a person who is SO not sensitive can feel that way,
it MUST be true.
and yes it is. indeed.

i've always hated you when you dont care about me.
or dont act as if you know me. yes, i hated you.
but like a stupid naive moron, everytime you call me and talk
everything will be fine.
i dont blame you.
i blame my stupid soft hearted self.
because of it, i always melt when you call me. i will not be angry anymore.
i wont have hatred, instead, i fall in love again.
yes, stupidity huh.

but sometimes when i say i hate you, i really mean it.
you cannot say that there is not enough time, gawd.
eigth months is not enough? i've waited and waited and waited.
even my FRIENDS pity me.
& admire me for being able to hold on for so long.
they say its because theres love!
well i believed that. and guess what.
its either that the love it gone, or that i have my sense back.
or that you just really treated me way too WRONGLY that you crossed over the line.
seriously.

i think the last time u read my blog was like when...
6MONTHS AGO?!?!
even kialiang reads it. hello?
and i bet you wont get to READ this. you rather play games on the com than spending 5mins in my blog. just to know whats up and how im feeling.
THIS, is what you get dude.

I SICK AND TIRED OF THIS.
waiting for your call as if god called me.
and when you do, i will be so happy when you are so, so SO happy. IN MY DREAMS.
and when you call, i will put down everything and just talk to you.
cause i know your time is PRECIOUS. and i know i will miss you.
damnit. thats why i dont study enough.
you are just one-of-a-kind indeed.
totally.

i think i've suffered enough.
you dont even CARE!
at first, i thought like.. he cares but doesnt want to tell me.
awwww.

BUT YOU DONT,
you really dont.
whatever. i really cant take it anymore.
even people who are NOT me, cant take it anymore.
can you IMAGINE?

now i'll appear as a mean ass to people.
but whatever, only those ppl who are close to me understands.
or else, i really dont wanna upset that person or destroy their image of YOU.
dont i care too much about how you feel?

there are too many things to list that i am upset about.
and one is that, YOU are not trying to be my FRIEND.
you are so not trying. its irritating you know.

i care so much, you dont.
i do so much, you dont.
i think so much, you dont.
DIFFERENCES are not what makes me like you.
it makes me hate you. really.

i tell you, and people,
I DONT LIKE PEOPLE TO TREAT ME FOR GRANTED.
and there are many things that happened.
of course, what do you expect. 8mths leh.
but i wont tell everybody. that, i wont do.
dont worry.

dear readers, i have a lot of things to say but i just dont want to.
sigh. i cant bring myself to. cause i'll feel bad. damn.

i dont totally blame you, really.
im sorry.
but truthfully, i really loved you.
but maybe now, its really fading away.
more and more each day.
it has really been hard on me.
sorry.